Dozens of news outfits are amping up this DNSChanger malware “event” on Monday with stories bearing apocalyptic titles like “Countdown to Internet Doomsday: Will Your Computer Survive?” or “How to Survive Internet Doomsday” or “End of the Internet? ‘Doomsday’ Virus Will Crash Thousands of Computers on July 9.”

My personal favorite: “Five Reasons DNSChanger Victims Deserve to Lose the Internet.” Because nothing says “helping bewildered consumers” like distorting what’s at stake to justify an almost gleefully callous (but eye-catching!) headline.

(MORE: DNSChanger: FBI Warns Infected Computers Will Lose Web, E-mail Access in July)

When I click on any of these, I half expect to find pictures of Bat Boy, his half-human, half-nocturnal mammalian mouth opening as if he were a cartoon opera singer hitting the money note, his hands at his face Macaulay Culkin style, his computer melting like the Wicked Witch into a pool of sludge.

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